Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Real Quickly...

To keep ya'll up to date:

We finished our landscaping(mostly), got family flown in and squared away, made food, purchased drink, set lighting, enjoyed friends, family and food, and then got married.

So, It's official. Kenda and I are a wed couple. Couple of what depends on who you ask, but nevertheless... That is the type of joke Kenda would find irritating, but there it is.

To answer the pressing questions: Do I feel any different? No and Yes. I mean, I don't really feel any different now that we are married, we've lived together for years and pretty much have each other figured out. But, in a way I was not expecting I do feel different. If anything I am happier now than I was just being with her. It's hard for me to explain. So deal with it. I know what I mean.

Was it flawless? No. We had some snafus. I had some snafus really. I made some mistakes that night that I can't really make up, and i'm sorry for them. The pace of the night got ahead of me and I didn't focus enough on important things. That's all I can say. I did not explain things well to people... But, we're married now. And that is what matters right?

I hope everyone who wanted to be but couldn't be with us is able to find solace in their absence. We probably missed you.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

It occurs...

It occurs to me that I may sometimes come across as a bit of a jerk. That my exterior emotional scale is rather limited and my tendency toward flippancy and jokes may show people that I am emotionally stunted or lack in the basic skills of human kindness that make us all bearable as we hurtle through time and space on this universal anomaly of life. And too be bluntly honest, most of the time you would be completely right. I am a bit of a jerk. An emotional humbug. I keep a tight lock on my feelings because feelings can hurt you very badly. Feelings can make you do things that defy logic and rationale. But. Sometimes you have to defy rationale. You have to fly in the face of logic and slap the world with your full emotional force to get it pay attention to you and what you need.

9 years ago I was essentially dead inside. My life had changed drastically just a few years before that. My marriage, which had been doomed from the start had completely imploded. I was going to lose everything that I thought mattered. Who's fault was this? Mostly mine. For years I had been a complete asshole to my then wife, I had cheated, lied, and caused emotional distress by my lack of emotion. I completely closed myself off from everything. If it bothered me I rejected it and by the time I realized what I was doing it was much too late. You can only reject your feelings for so long, and then it crushes you. When I discovered that my marriage was soon to be over, I took a drastic step, in hindsight what I did was stupid, incredibly stupid. The eventual outcome would never have solved anything and would only have made everyone Else's life harder. After sinking deeper and deeper into a sort of blind madness that involved complete clinical detachment I drank an entire bottle of scotch and took and entire bottle of pills.

Luckily I threw up at some point in the night after passing out. When the paramedics arrived I was barely responsive. The only thing I remember clearly is the sharp stinging pain of the IV and someone wiping my face with a rough towel. I woke up several hours later in the ER, being forced to drink charcoal. I was then admitted to the psyche ward in the hospital on a mandatory 72 hour hold. Apparently I was crazy.

I sat through discussion groups and one on one therapy sessions, not really knowing why I was there. I wasn't crazy, I was perfectly fine. Then it dawned on me. I felt fine because I had finally yelled as loud as I could about how I felt. I had never in my life expressed myself so fully and bluntly as I had when I tried to kill myself. I began to focus on the revelation intently. And it became a touchstone for me. I NEEDED to talk about things. It was a call to arms for my emotional health and I started to expand my conscience. I talked, to everyone, my family, my friends, doctors, and I realized that something was wrong with me, but not something that every man doesn't experience.

It's hard for us to emote. It's hard for us to express emotions under ideal circumstances and when the stakes go up it becomes even harder. We don't talk. And when we do it is generally in monosyllabic grunts that convey enough meaning to generalize. Women tend to have 30 thousand words for 1 feeling, we have 6. I am generalizing of course and no one should ever take any number I give them seriously, but let's be honest, the concept I am putting forth is nothing new and it's accurate. So, here we have the dilemma, if women can put all of their feelings into neat little boxes with words of expression that accurately describe those feelings and men can not doesn't it also stand to reason that when men and women discuss those same feelings they won't understand each other? A woman will usually feel that the man is not being open enough. The man will invariably feel the woman is over-dramatizing the situation, I mean, how else could she have so much to say about 1 feeling?

I suppose the secret to dealing with these problems is simply to talk about them. Always keeping in mind that you are coming at the situation from vastly different places. I learned, in one night, that life can be wonderful if you let it, that there is no reason to live through something unpalatable. Speak. Be heard.

A lot has changed for me since that day. Divorce, geographical relocation of first my kids and then myself, scenery changes, and youth that I thought I had lost forever being aloud to resurface and be dealt with and then the eventual realization that I was unhappy being alone. Leading in to trying to meet people, talking to people and eventually dating. Finding friendship, and eventual love and then that moment of complete and total surrender to the feelings inside of you when you realize you are infinitely better with this person than you had ever been without. A love fully realized that changes you for the better is the greatest thing a human can experience, and I get to feel it every day, every morning, every evening, every time I think of her.

In a few weeks I get the honor of marrying this woman. I give her credit for "saving" me in some way. I don't know what that way is really, it's a feeling more than anything, some indescribable thought or nerve impulse.

To be honest I had no idea where this post was going when I started it. I was thinking about my friend Kelly, who is currently coming to grips with losing a parent. I was thinking about my ex-wife, who had to do this same thing a few weeks ago, and for my kids who had to say goodbye to their grandmother at too young of an age. I was thinking about myself and how I have not lot anyone of that kind of significance and how I would react to something like that and how do I help the people in my life who must deal with it. I suppose, after reflecting on it, that I just need to be here, for anyone I care about who needs me. I can't fix it, but I can hug, I can hold, I can allow myself to be open to their needs.

I hope I haven't lowered anyone's opinion of me with my emotions! I promise to be back to my regularly scheduled assholery soon!

Monday, August 31, 2009

And the academy award goes too...

Brad Pitt for Inglourious Basterds!

Oh My God. This movie was freaking incredible! Tarantino is a god-damn genius. No seriously. This movie was excellent. Pitt was amazing, but he was a barely bright spot amongst all of the truly stellar talent leaping out of this film. Everyone was excellent!

I saw this movie last night and I admit I was a little bit worried. I mean, it's gotten a lot of hype, I have heard several people tell me how good it is, and usually this is the death nell for any movie, but this one... It was fast paced, clever, funny, disgusting, cringe inducing, gasp promoting, thrill ride of wonder from beginning to end. It never bogged down, and it never compromised. It pulled no bunches. Plus, and this is very Tarantino in my mind, the coup de grace was the camera angles, the choice of frame for a scene, the lighting, the soundtrack, all enhance and never detract.

It's hard to find a flaw in this movie, but if forced to pick one I would say the crowd. For some unfathomable reason people kept getting up and leaving the theater. They would come back shortly, maybe they had to pee really bad or something. But there are a literal ton of subtitles in this movie, and when you sit on the aisle, like I did, they walk in between you and the screen and you can't read what the people are saying. So unless you speak fluent and flawless French, German and Italian, sit in the middle of the theater.

In short, I loved it completely and without mercy!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Transformers 2. And it wasn't...

Ok, that may be a bit harsh. Transformers 2 was not bad. I actually preferred it to the first one in that I could tell what was going on throughout the action sequences. That was plus. Unfortunately they got so caught up in that they forgot to write a script. The movie is 2 and a half hours long and has 20 minutes of plot. It was not great.

In other movie related news I also saw G.I. Joe, rise of Cobra. Hmmm.. I was looking forward to this in a dreaded way. Like when you see what may be a potentially fatal car accident but you want to get out of your car and see if anyone lost a limb? Kinda like that. And boy, I was not disappointed. It was drivel. Which I knew it would be. I give it this, it was a lot of fun. Lots of running, jumping shooting punching kicking exploding one lining pseudo-soldier stuff. The requisite number of throwbacks to the cartoon and possible toy tie ins. In short it was a marketing vehicle for Hasbro. I have no problem with that. What I DO have a problem with is that they're going to make more of these. At least 2. And the first one was plotless and had an acting deficit larger than our national debt. And it was BUILDUP! They could have intro'd characters in 20 minutes if they had wanted to, instead they took 2 and a half hours to create characters that I didn't care for or about. But hey, Snake Eyes was fucking awesome. Ray Park is a bright shining light in parts without dialog. And with, as he proved in X-Men.

What else? The movie going has been severely limited by the landscaping work. Patio almost done, Deck this weekend. So much more. I'm trying to stay on top of things and still make updates to my blog, I swear I am Kelly!! But things fall to the wayside when your up to your elbows in dirt!

And now! Back to work.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Transformers 2. Hope it's good...

My intention was to see the new Transformers movie yesterday. This did not happen as the theater was ridiculously busy so we went and had cappuchino/Heath Blizzards at Dairy Queen and watched one hell of a rain storm instead. I will let all my loyal readers know which is better when I actually see the movie. Maybe tonight, maybe not.

Peace!

FYI - The blizzards kicked ass. The storm was freaking wicked too. The movie BETTER be good.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

What's in a movie? Depends where you watch it.

As anyone who ever reads this blog knows, this time of year is very busy for me, lots of really good movies pop up and getting to all those movies is sometimes difficult. What this usually leads to is picking and choosing what I'm willing to spend my money on and drive to the theatre to see. It can be a dilemma.

Solution? Well last weekend it was the local drive in. We've seen movies there before and I have always enjoyed the experience. It's relaxed, comfortable, fairly inexpensive, and since our drive in has a digital projector and first run movies, usually a pretty good deal. What was playing you ask? Land of the Lost and Night At the Museum 2.

To start, I was really interested in Land of the Lost. The TV show was a little before my time as a child(barely) but I had caught reruns and always thought it was pretty cool. Also, Will Ferrell is amazing. And Danny McBride is quickly becoming one of my favorites on the comedy movie scene. Other than that, the previews looked funny, and the fear that they only showed the funny parts was actually fairly low. Noting that the drive in was showing it in conjunction with something else that I wanted to see was a bonus. The first Night At the Museum movie was cute, fun, and funny, the previews for the sequel led me to believe I would be in for more of the same.

So, we loaded up the car with our anti-gravity lounge chairs, the small cooler with some technically prohibited substances(alcohol is frowned upon at the Boulevard Drive-In) a fresh pizza and some blankets, and headed out with Kenda's sister and her partner in tow. We arrived and set up a mini-camp with our chairs, some tables, food, beverage, got our speakers set and waited.

Now, there are downsides to the drive in. They don't allow fire in any form, which means no grilling(something that would make the experience just that much better). You are outside so there are bugs. Ones that want to eat you. It can get cold after dark, even if it was 900 degrees when you got there, by the end of the first movie it will be 20 degrees below zero. There is a set of train tracks that run beside the theatre, which leads to trains going by DURING the movie. trains are loud. And drive in speakers are notoriously flaky. Sometimes you get too much sounds, sometimes no sound, sometimes static.

But there are also serious upsides. 2 movies for one price. Having the ability to talk to the person next to you without pissing everyone off. Drinking beer surreptitiously. Eating whatever you brought with you. Lounge chairs! To be honest, these outweigh the others handily.

And the movies? Look, Land of the Lost is not going to win an Oscar, or any sort of award at all really. But it was clever, funny, and entertaining. It was exactly what I hoped it would be and while watching it I was comfortable and happy. Would I feel the same way if I had seen it in the theatre? No. I would if I had rented it, probably. Ditto for Night At the Museum 2. Both fun, happy movies. Excellent drive in movies. But, the meat of review is this, both of those movies as individual viewers at 10 dollars a piece in a building where a bag of popcorn costs 19 dollars and there are occasionally smells you can not identify, where beer is completely verboten and pizza just doesn't happen... well, let's just say I would not have been as pleased.

Now, there are theatres where you CAN get all these things, even a table and a REAL, restaurant style meal, but they tend to charge a premium for these services and I reserve those types of places for very special movies. Watchmen maybe.

As always, see them for yourself, don't take my word for it, I'm just a guy who likes movies, and watching them.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Greatest Terminator Movie...

Don't let this title fool you. The tag line to that statement is "since Terminator 2". And really, ask yourself this question. How good was T3? Sucky right? Terminator Salvation is a slightly less sucky movie, but really only slightly.

To the crux of the matter... Christian Bale is a wonderful actor, he delivers lines well(when you can understand his Batman growl voice). He emotes well, he portrays anger incredibly effectively. And he has really embraced the idea of playing heavy duty action characters. That said, if they had written him some good dialog this may have been a worthy Bale performance, however, yeah, they DIDN'T.

Anton Yelchin, you magnificent little bastard! I've known since the first moment
I saw this kid in something that he was going to be an amazing actor, and he is. Really a top notch talent, and they casted him so well. He was awesome in Star Trek, he's very good in Salvation, but the same thing applies here as with Bale.

Sam Worthington as Marcus Wright(no spoilers, see the movie for yourself), was excellent as well. I actually cared about his character, mostly, despite the dialog.

As for the other support cast in this film, Moon Bloodgood is very pretty, ditto Bryce Dallas Howard, but being pointless negates being pretty very damn fast in any film and this one is no exception. I couldn't have cared less about either woman's character.

Common was actually really good in his role, but it was very small. and Helena Bonham Carter was her requisite creepy/scary/wonderful.

In short, the casting was pretty good, if only casting counted for more!

The special effects? They were fine. The movie had it's required amounts of bangs and booms and shots fired and people flung and leaping jumping-ness. But it felt really stiff to me, like they knew they had to have those things so they shoved them in.

Really, were it fell apart for me was scripting. They could have told this story as a flash forward in half an episode of Sarah Conner Chronicles and probably done a better job. The "plot" was small, predictable, and peppered with meaningless action sequences that appeared to be cut in to keep the boring plot from putting the audience to sleep.

I understand that the plan exists to produce a director's cut DVD with 40 additional minutes of footage and some other extras, and maybe this will be a much better version of the film, maybe they left too much on the proverbial cutting room floor. Who knows? Do you?

OK, one last thing, in the movies "defense" I DID see it at the drive in. The sound was horrid, but I was comfortable, well fed and really ready to love this film, unfortunately I didn't. So far the summer blockbusters are not keeping up their end of the bargain! Except for you Star Trek, you are amazing. I'm sorry I nodded off during my second viewing of you at the same drive in. but it WAS after 11, and I AM old. And Wolverine? Remember how I said you weren't that good? You were more fun than Salvation. Yes, I just said that.

Hopefully I don't make anyone who was fired up for this film decide not to see it. Go, see the movie, disagree with me, it's fine. Or, save the money, go see Trek again and wait for the DVD release. You're choice!